「Disappear」
by ChiTsukiCat
Summary: Ashpaw is just some other ShadowClan apprentice with two brothers, Flamepaw, and Icepaw. Though, he is the quiet one of the crowd. He rarely played with the others when he was younger, and is considered weird. But when he grows, he slowly begins to lose his sanity... following in the pawprints of his father, Wolfstar, leader of the Dark Forest. ( ( Rated T for violence ) )
1. Troublesome

A pitch-black kit with a snowy-white underbelly and a gray stripe down his back stood at the top of a hill, and took in a breath, suddenly spreading wings. They were pitch-black like his fur, and he opened his eyes, and shot off the hill. Suddenly everything faded black, and as he blinked, he saw a forest of darkness. He could barely see anything.

Suddenly light flashed in his eyes, making him gasp, and blink awake.

Oh, yes, of course, that was a dream.

He had no wings. He was standing in no night-drowned forest. He was just normal him again.

He shrugged off the dream, and walked into the camp, not bothering to stretch, or take a single look at the other kits. They were snoring in their den, and he was the only one awake at the time. He sighed, and sat to look at the stars. He knew his father wasn't there.

His father left him a long scar on his side. He was also born with a stubbed-tail, which many teased him for.

He looked at his scratches. Everyone though he was weird. He didn't talk unless needed, he hated society, he was a kit with scars. Now that? That was just plain weird.

His mother didn't like him much. No, she wasn't all, _"My kit's so terrible and ugly, the worst kit ever, blah blah blah..." _No, she usually just scooped him aside and seemed to pretend he wasn't her kit. The other kits just hated him, except one. She was only 2 moons. She wouldn't understand. He thought she was quite stupid, considering she didn't make fun of him. Why _shouldn't_ anyone hate him?

All his life he wondered what his father was like. Evil, his mother said. A really, really bad cat. He apparently killed a cat of his own clan once. He was really strong, and feared.

"Ashkit! Ashkit!"

He ignored the cat calling for him.

Ashkit actually really liked his father. He admired him, thinking he was pretty amazing. He killed a cat. That's very amazing.

Ashkit wanted to be like him one day, though he didn't exactly know what he was like. Mother hated him, but he can't be that bad... right?

wrong. Ashkit didn't understand how terrible it was to kill a cat, let alone from your own clan. No, no, Ashkit thought otherwise. Only the strongest survive, right? Survival of the fittest. Cats will die under more powerful cats' claws. That's why everyone found him weird.

"Ashkit, are you okay?"

Ashkit glared at the cat interrupting his thoughts. It was the mouse-brain.

Her name was Lilykit. He scratched the ground.

"..." He didn't bother to reply.

"I heard you were going to turn into an apprentice today! You must be so excited!"

"..."

Lilykit lowered her tail. "Umm, Ashkit?"

Ashkit growled quietly.

"Please, answer me, Ashkit! You've gotta talk sometime, and-"

**"Leave me alone, would you!?"** He yowled at her. That was it. He snapped. That quick, yeah. I know.

You would say he had a short fuse. Yes, he was known for that. He didn't care if he hurt another cat. He could care less.

"Look. Just get out of my face! Why don't you go bother super-amazingly-strong-and-perfect-Icekit! He's clearly much better than I am!" He hissed, taking a step towards Lilykit. Her fur bristled, but she stood her ground.

Sure, Icekit was super-amazingly-strong and perfect. But Ashkit wasn't jealous, no, not at all.

...

Well, maybe a little jealous. That he had a good life so far. You'd say it's very sad that Ashkit was only a kit, and wanted to die already.

Lilypaw still stood her ground, not even flinching from Ashkit's intimidating gaze.

Oh, let's see how long she could last.

"Apprenticeship is overrated! What's so good about having to clean elder's backs, working your tail off in training, hunt for the clan, and only getting a little vole in return? What's the point?"

Lilykit's tail raised. "To become a warrior, and work hard to protect the clan! What else could you want!?" She hissed, and Ashkit smirked. She was pretty brave. Most cats avoided him. Apparently he was 'scary' when he was mad. Lilykit? She was good.

"Work for the clan, and what do you get in exchange? What's the point? Why should I? I'd rather become a **ROGUE!"** He hissed, taking another frightening step, until he was looking down on Lilykit.

Now she was scared. Soon, the whole clan was crowded around. Ashkit heard some of the murmurs.

_"Wow... she's brave!"_

_"He finally snapped, eh?"_

_"That little disrespectful fox-heart!"_

_"Who does he think he is!?"_

_"Lightstar should just kick him out! Then maybe he'd see what it's really like!" _Murmurs and yowls of agreement were heard in response to that.

Suddenly, a dark growl was heard. Lilykit's mother, Rainpelt, Leaped over and swept Lilykit back with her tail.

_"Ooh, this is getting interesting!"_

"Just who do you think you are!? Get away from my kit! You little fox-heart!" She yowled, and Ashkit just glared at her.

"Why should I?"

Ashkit's eyes widened in surprise as suddenly, Lilykit's mother slashed his face; with claws unsheathed, before she realized what she did.

Ashkit stared at her, dumbfounded, but then his eyes narrowed. He growled slightly, claws digging into the ground.

He lashed out at Rainpelt, who dodged and strike another slash to his side. Ashkit growled, and prepared to attack again, but suddenly-

**"ENOUGH!" ****  
**


	2. Imagination

**RECAP:**

**Ashkit's eyes widened in surprise as suddenly, Lilykit's mother slashed his face; with claws unsheathed, before she realized what she did.**

**Ashkit stared at her, dumbfounded, but then his eyes narrowed. He growled slightly, claws digging into the ground.**

**He lashed out at Rainpelt, who dodged and strike another slash to his side. Ashkit growled, and prepared to attack again, but suddenly-**

**"ENOUGH!"**

* * *

An earsplitting yowl echoed across the clearing, and every cat stared at the broad build of the clan leader, Lightstar.

"Rainpelt! That's a kit!" The leader hissed, muscles flexing. "I know! But this little _wolf _here disrespected the warrior code and all the cats, and threatened my daughter!" The word _wolf _made Ashkit flinch. Yowls of agreement were heard, but Lilykit raised her head. "Wait, umm-"

"Very well, then. Ashkit, your apprentice ceremony will be delayed another quarter-moon!"

Ashkit's glared at the leader. He pushed it too far. "I don't deserve-"

**"SILENCE! **Do NOT backtalk your leader!"

"Excuse me Lightstar, I-" Lilykit started, but was broke off again.

"Lightstar, I don't deserve this! I didn't even-"

"Shut up! Go back to your den, fox-heart!"

"Listen to me for once, please!" Lilykit suddenly wailed.

All attention was put on her.

"L-Lightstar, I- umm... he wasn't trying to hurt me... it was my own fault... I was bugging him. I thought he would talk, but... please... don't punish him! Punish me if anyone..." She murmured, tears appearing in the corners of her eyes.

_Emotional. _Ashkit thought.

Lightstar growled, his tail lashing. "One day. His ceremony will be delayed by one day." With that, the broad tom stalked into his den.

Ashkit shot a glance at Lilykit. "What's the point? Everyone hates me. I'm messed up. What is it that's wrong with _you_ to think otherwise?" He growled to her, and stalked to the corner of the camp to sit there in solitude. He stared at his paws, sighed, and closed his eyes tight.

Suddenly he saw a dark forest with a giant shadow standing there. The shadow looked very strong, a cat you wouldn't wanna mess with. He opened his eyes, suddenly, blinking back to reality.

His stubbed-tail waved, as he recalled the vision to himself, wondering what was with this ever-midnight forest. He growled in frustration, his mind whirling. He put his ears back, and gasped as he heard the voice of a cat. He turned to his side to see a ginger-and-white tabby she-cat. He cocked his head.

_Who is that...?_

_"I am just your imagination, Ashkit."_

He shook his head in confusion.

There was no really cat there, he could tell so far. Even though he could see it. _Just my imagination..._

_"Yes. That's all I am." _She meowed to him quietly. His ears flicked back. He stared at her, fur on end.

_...You read my thoughts._

_"Of course... like I said, I'm your imagination. I'm no living cat. I'm someone for you to talk to. Your own mind created me." _He listened to her voice, pawing at the ground. This she-cat was strange.

_I want you to be a gray tabby. _He thought, gazing at the cat. _You're my imagination, right?_

_"You sure, Ashkit? It will be hard to change me back... And it will tire you out." _She meowed, and he sighed. He then realize, he was frickin' mental. He saw a she-cat of only his imagination. He spoke to her. She spoke to him. That was strange, all right.

_Fine... change your blue eyes to gray, like mine. Then I won't feel strange. Also, your tail is now a stub, and you have scars like I do. _He explained to this cat. She nodded. and a bright light blinded Ashkit. He yelped, closing his eyes, causing him a lot of attention from his clanmates. He didn't mind.

The light then faded, and she now looked just like him, just shorter still, and she was still ginger-and-white.

He smiled. But he suddenly felt tired. He sighed, and soon the she-cat disappeared. _W-wait!Where are you going!? ...She can't hear me! _

"Where are you going!?" He suddenly gasped, springing to his paws. He sighed, looking around. He had fallen asleep in the corner of camp. He sighed, shaking his fur.

She was only his dream?

Ashkit sighed, shaking his fur. He just realized Icekit and Flamekit were being named apprentice, Icepaw and Flamepaw. He just looked away, growling slightly.

What if she really was his new friend now, and he could speak to her and see her clearly? But the others couldn't? Was he really insane? He growled, and strike a blow at the bramble thicket in front of him in rage.

He wasn't normal. He knew that. He didn't care. He wasn't exactly ever accepted. All cats preferred to stay away from him. Apparently he was a _freak. _He didn't care. This was him, and he would show them he was more than that one day. Well, that was one good reason to become an apprentice, and a warrior. To prove them wrong.

He heard paws behind him, and he whipped around.

"Hey, Ash_kit!" _His brother mocked. "I'm an apprentice! But look at you. Sulking in the corner. I feel bad for you! But you'll be an apprentice _tomorrow. _I'm not looking forward to-"

**"SHUT UP!"** Ashkit shrieked, and slashed Icepaw across the cheek. Icepaw's eyes were wide with surprise. "Mother! Mother!" He wailed, and Ashkit smirked. _Kit. _

Then Flamepaw, Ashkit's other brother, padded up to him, fur bristling. "W-what was that f-for? You can't h-hurt your own clan-mates.. it's against the w-warrior code..." Flamepaw was obviously scared of Ashkit. He sighed, and turned away. "Warrior code this, warrior code that. I'd rather become a rogue." He growled.

Flamepaw padded away to his mentor slowly.

_Even he thinks I'm a freak._

Oh well. Ashkit could prove them wrong. One day even, he knew he would lead the clan, by his own rules. He smirked.

He'd be the most powerful warrior.

He's show them, oh yes. They would _bow_ to him! Just wait!**  
**


	3. Promise

**Ahhhhhh people love me :D (Or the story at least XD)  
I feel so happyyyy :3  
Thank you guys  
For the support and whatnot  
And yeah :D  
Cereal to you all! C:**

**Please don't ask. Just don't. C:**

* * *

"All cats old enough to catch their own prey, join here beneath my den for a clan meeting!" The ShadowClan leader called out, voice ringing clearly around the clearing.

Ashkit sighed. Today was the day... _great. I am sooo excited..._ He thought sarcastically.

_"You should be!"_

He gasped, nearly jumping in surprise to see the she-cat from the day before. _I thought you were only a dream, though... you're really here._

_"Only to you, I am. Go on up there, Ash. I can come with you if you'd like."_

_Please. _He thought rather sarcastically, but she followed him up anyways.

Lightstar actually gave him a rather harsh look, but carried on.

"Ashkit**, **you have reached the age of six moons, and I believe it is time for you to become apprenticed. From this day forth, until you have receive your warrior name, you shall be known as Ashpaw... I will mentor you."

Ashpaw gulped. He didn't like Lightstar one bit... he guessed it was the same for him too. But he knew Lightstar was suspicious of him. _Doing what's right for the clan, blah blah blah._

He reluctantly touched the leader's nose. Lightstar seemed very displeased, and Ashpaw sighed. _I beg to differ. _He thought in sarcasm again.

_"It can't be that bad." _The she-cat murmured, and Ashpaw sighed.

_What's your name anyway?_

_"Whatever you want it to be. I'm your imagination, remember?"_

_Fallenpaw. Your name shall be Fallenpaw._ It felt weird thinking his words. But it was better than speaking any day. The only reason he should ever speak was to get someone off his tail.

No, not to yell at them... well, sort of, actually. But he wasn't like that.

But he was.

"Ashpaw. You're going to clean the elder's den." Lightstar interrupted his thoughts. _He hates me, doesn't he... _He thought with a small grunt of annoyance.

He reluctantly padded to the elder's den, realizing his mentor wouldn't help at all. He walked in to see Silverheart and Haredash, the elders, speaking quietly. They noticed him coming in, and he heard Haredash say to his mate Silverheart, "That young'un's got no respect!" and she hushed him quickly. The pair looked over to him.

"Well? I've got plenty a' ticks, better get to work." Haredash muttered, and Ashpaw dug his claws into the ground. _No one knows they should be careful what they say about me. _He thought to himself, a low inaudible growl rising in his throat.

_"He's an elder! You'd get in trouble if you hurt him in any way."_

_I know, Fallenpaw. I'm just irritated._

_"Careful. You might hurt him." Fallenpaw instructed._

_Shut up. Go away._

Suddenly, he saw Fallenpaw fade. He sighed in relief. The annoying one is gone. But she was probably the closest to a friend he had; even though he barely knew her, and only met her the day before.

After ridding the elders of their ticks, he looked to the sky to see it was just past sun-high. he sighed.

_Fallenpaw?_

_..._

_Yes? What is it, Ash?_

_Come back please._

Ashpaw saw her appear, and smiled inside. But he wouldn't smile on the outside. Everyone would run for the hills. Ashpaw sighed, and padded out of camp into the forest. Fallenpaw smiled.

_You're so real, you know. I find it surprising myself. It's quite strange. It's like you're a real cat._

_"I wish so. But I'm only your imagination, again. I do have dreams though, of my own. I even am surprised by that fact. I think my own way."_

_Really?_

_"Yeah. Really. Some cats can see me though. Some of them..."_

_Like who?_

_"The special ones, like you. There are others. But I belong completely to you. You can also have others, but the way of StarClan says only those who can handle it can have more. Or else you'd die._

Ashpaw found it hard to take all that in. It was a lot of information. First of, there were others? He was 'special'? He wasn't at all!

But... most surprising... StarClan? Fallen believed in that? She was sent by StarClan...

_"Yes. But I am only imagination. Though I can be killed. And, I must admit..."_

She broke off, looking a bit embarrassed.

_"To tell the truth, I'm rather weak for one of my kind. Those who can see me can hurt me, and those who are like me can kill me. You're supposed to protect me."_

_Do I have to?_

_"Yeah. Because if I die, I'm never coming back... and that one special part of your heart... it'll be gone. Forever."_

Ashpaw sighed, looking quite troubled. _We wouldn't want that happening, would we..._

_"No... I wouldn't wanna leave your side. I'm actually meant to protect you too. Like a mother, sort of."_

_Another mother? great. _Ashpaw thought jokingly.

Fallenpaw chuckled. She swatted his ear, and he gasped in surprise, crouching in a defensive type of way. He growled, looking around.

_"...That was me, stupid."_

_You can touch me? But..._

_"I'm special. Not just an imaginary friend, but a companion. But also, if I die, you will lose all memory of me and... never get another again."_

Ashpaw shivered. "I promise."

He suddenly said.

_What? Why'd you speak...? And what do you mean?_

"I promise I will protect you under all circumstances. I would have never had a friend like you." He meowed, smiling at her.

Fallenpaw smiled. "Thanks."


	4. Father

**A**shpaw returned from the walk, and decided to bring some herbs back since he couldn't hunt yet. He sighed, realizing it was already night-time. _Day went by fast._

_"Yeah."_

Ashpaw simply put the herbs in front of the Medicine Cat den, and padded to the apprentices den. He saw two other apprentices sitting and chatting. They saw him coming in and snickered.

"There he is now."

"Ashkit! What are you doing in the apprentices den?"

_"Ash, just ignore them. You don't want to cause trouble..." _Fallenpaw murmured, and nudged him.

Ashpaw sighed and curled up in the corner, not really caring whether there was bedding or not. He was tired, and would rather sleep there than right in the middle of all the mouse-brained idiots.

"That's where I sleep, mouse-brain!" The bigger apprentice growled, smirking, walking toward Ashpaw slowly. "They think you're scary! We're not mice though, like they are!" He growled.

Ashpaw glared at him. _Back off. _He thought, but refused to speak.

He got to his paws, and unsheathed his claws. The cat landed an aimed blow to Ashpaw's head, but his claws were sheathed, and Ashpaw shook his head. Sure, no claws, but it hurt alright.

But he would have to live with it for a minute.

"Now... what kind of a warrior fights with all paws and no claws...?" Ashpaw growled, and saw the tom flinch at his strangely-deep voice. It was, of course, a little creepy.

The tom hissed, and aimed another blow, but Ashpaw quickly dodged, now that he could see it coming this time, and slashed the other cat across the stomach, claws stretched out, making the black top gasp. He coughed up a bit of blood.

_...I hit that hard? ... Hmph. Serves him right._

The she-cat, assumingly his sister, padded over to him, eyes wide. She let him lean against her shoulder as she soothed him, and she shot a glare at Ashpaw, before padding off to the medicine cat den. Ashpaw just chuckled.

_Look at that. Hard to believe I can do that..._

_"That was just your luck. You better quit choosing fights, or you will get hurt, Ashpaw!"_

_Yeah right I will. I'm already the strongest cat of the clan._

_"You have no idea. Trust me, you're way down in ranks of strongest." _Fallenpaw curled up next to him with a huff.

Ashpaw stared at the wall blankly, wondering why everyone in the clan hated him so much. Not that he cared. He hated all conversation, physical interaction, and even the presence of others. He closed his eyes, and with a small sigh, he drifted slowly into a whole other world.

He blinked his eyes open again. The midnight-forest... he saw it again.

But this time... he was in it. Actually in it. He sniffed the air, and twitched his ear. It was a dream of course, but felt... so real...

Too real, in fact.

He could smell, feel, hear, and even taste the bitter mist on his tongue; everything about this place just gave him the chills. He shrugged it off, but then gasped as a cat knocked him down. He nearly yowled, but kept his mouth shut, and the cat pinned him down, belly to the ground. He grunted.

"Get off me."

The cat just laughed, and stepped aside.

Ashpaw got to his paws and glared at the cat, but kept his cool. "Who are you, and what do you want?" He murmured quietly, his cold gaze looking the cat up and down.

This cat strangely had Ashpaw's fur, black and white with a gray stripe; strange.

"I am Wolfstar, silly kit." The tom snickered, claws flexing.

Ashpaw's fur puffed up. "F-father!?" Wolfstar nodded, and sat down, still smirking. "Why am I here?" Ashpaw growled, not knowing what to think, how to react...

"Ashpaw!" He heard a cat calling to him and Fallenpaw ran over, heavily breathing. "What are you doing in a place like this!? Who is that cat? Surely he's dangerous-"

She was cut off as Wolfstar lunged toward her, and clawed her face, showing no mercy. "Stop!" Ashpaw charged in front of Wolfstar and gave him a blow to the chest, and pushed Fallenpaw back with his rump.

Wolfstar chuckled, and slashed Ashpaw across the throat, and Ashpaw gasped as he did so. He stepped back clumsily, and coughed a bit, but then glared back up at Wolfstar, and attacked the large tom, dashing to his side to give him a blow, and he leaped onto Wolfstar's back.

He hissed and threw Ashpaw against a tree, and Ashpaw landed with a thud. He gasped, his vision slightly blurry, and he shook his head. "U-ugh..." He groaned, and got to his paws, fur fluffing up.

Wolfstar simply laughed at him- _again. _He walked over, and Ashpaw tensed, and prepared for his death.

Wolfstar stopped about an inch from Ashpaw, looking him up and down. "You look pretty beaten up."

"You don't say..." Ashpaw muttered, taking a shaky step back. Wolfstar grinned in amusement. "I won't hurt you... I'm your father." He snickered, and Ashpaw narrowed his eyes. "..."

"Cat got your tongue?" Wolfstar purred, and raised a paw to place it against Ashpaw's chest roughly. "You're quite skilled for a kit... Ashpaw."

_He knows my name. _"Instinct I-I guess." Ashpaw murmured, shakily. He fought the urge to collapse. Wolfstar saw his weak form, and padded next to him, offering his shoulder to rest on.

"I could train you to be a true warrior. A merciless warrior, who fights with fangs and claws... not with silly batters at your enemy." Wolfstar purred.

"The strongest warrior, no- leader. Follow in your old father's footsteps, and let me tell you, you'll have a perfect life easy as catching a single mouse." He went on, and Ashpaw tensed.

"You tried to kill me."

"I was testing your strength. For your age, that's pretty skilled. And with your clan by your side, you'll become weaker, and weaker. A soft kittypet. You may be ShadowClan, but even they are foolish and weak. They murmur about you. Snicker at you. Make fun of you. Call you _insane, _you know. Now you can show them what you're really made of, if you make one deal with me."

Ashpaw looked up at him, ears back and fur prickly, though interest shined in his eyes. "I'm listening..."

* * *

**I guess this chapter was a bit shorter... hmm. Well, I can't even tell. I was working my butt off all night for this, ya better be grateful. XD **

**I am SO sorry it took this long to upload! But I hope you like it either way. C:**

**ChiTsukiCat,  
****OUT!**


	5. Too Proud

Ashpaw awoke, and yawned. Opening his eyes, he saw Fallenpaw right in front of him. _"__Good morning!" _She mewed, and he gasped and jumped back, fur bristling. "H-hey!" He hissed, and heard another apprentice snickering. _Great StarClan... _He thought, fur bristling.

"Have a bad dream?" That one she-cat asked, the sibling of the tom he had injured. He hissed at her. "Shut up!"

"I'm not scared of you. I'm the best fighter in the apprentices den. I could take you on any day." She hissed, with a bit of a smirk.

"Really? Why not now?" He growled, claws digging into the ground.

"Not here, mouse-brain." The she-cat snickered. She lead him out of the den, and padded out the entrance, ignoring the tom taking watch. It was early dawn; it was still dark, in fact.

They entered a clearing, and Ashpaw lashed his tail, tensing his muscles. Taking a good look at her, he realized this apprentice seemed quite strong. He growled, and then heard a cat behind him. _"Ashpaw! Stop! You'll get hurt"_

_Shut up, Fallen. You're not part of this._

Ashpaw suddenly raced towards the she-cat, and struck his claws across her face. She gasped, and shook her head, hissing.

Ashpaw let out a proud "Hmmph!", grinning, looking over at Fallenpaw, who looked rather worried. But then her eyes suddenly widened, and Ashpaw lashed his tail.

_What? _

_"Ash, look out!"_

Ashpaw gasped as claws slashed at the back of his neck, taking him by surprise. The she-cat shoved his muzzle to the ground, making him grunt. She dug her claws into his shoulders, and Ashpaw heard her snicker. He then went back onto his hind legs, falling backwards onto the she-cat.

He spun around and pinned her, and clawed at her roughly. She hissed in pain, but then flipped him over so she was on top. She dug her sharp fangs into his throat, and he shrieked in pain.

"D-don't kill m-" He was cut off as he coughed up blood.

She removed her teeth from his flesh to respond wit, "why not? You're just a useless scrap of fur who deserves to _die! _No one likes you, no one cares about you... in fact, they'd all _laugh _if you died!" She purred, smirking.

"That may be true..." Ashpaw growled, stretching out his claws. "But it doesn't mean you can kill me that easily!" He yowled, shooting her off him with his hind paws, digging his claws into her stomach as he did so. He quickly got up to send one more blow, but it came out weak and clumsy, and he coughed up more blood.

_"Ashpaw!" _He heard Fallenpaw's shaky yowl as everything faded to black, and he felt his own life slowly _fading away._

_This is it..._

_I'm going to die._

* * *

**Dear lord.  
I made you guys wait about 2 weeks I think,  
and guess what?  
It's just this crappy tiny chapter, that isn't even all that great...  
I am really, really sorry 'bout that... :'C**

**JUST TO LET YOU KNOW:  
NO, I have not given up.  
NO, Ashpaw will not die.  
YES, I will continue...  
And YES, the next chapter _will _be longer, but the wait _may _be nearly as long.**

**Also, sorry for this cliffhanger I've got right here... heh... ^^;  
Now you've got to wait for the next chapter to see what happens!  
YAY! MORE WAITING!  
Lolno.**

**I'll get it finished ASAP, but you're just gonna have to wait... :P SEE YOU THEN!  
**


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